Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Hopeless Romantic's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008
7:22 pm	I'm excited. But at the same time, very nervous. I guess we'll see if I am or not! :D (Comment on this)
Monday, October 13th, 2008
3:23 pm	I am lucky for I have known what it is to love and be loved in return. I am fortunate because I have always been wealthy in matters of the heart. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 19th, 2008
8:39 am	And if you think that I dont love you, you're dead wrong I hope that I never make you feel the way that I feel right now. If I do, I hope you would let me know. But I know that everything will be okay with time. (Comment on this)
Monday, July 21st, 2008
4:50 pm	But sometimes when you're gone, I sit and write this love song Today's the first day I've really felt nervous about us. In the fall, Ben starts bowling again, fantasy football, watching regular football for that, and hunting. I wonder how much time we'll really have together since he has sundays and tuesdays off, and sunday morning is football and tuesdays is bowling. We'll make it work though. Ashley called and left me a voice mail. She said to call her back when I'm done playing wife. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 12th, 2008
4:52 am	Man, she aint never had a love like mine Things I love about him: *He makes cute pictures or comics *How I fit just right in that space on his shoulder *The way he sounds when he calls me "babe" *That cute little wave *We like similar foods and dislike similar foods *The way I feel when I'm with him- nothing else matters Things I dont really care for about him: *Strip clubs...ugh. *Most of his friends are alcoholics *He's obsessed with money (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
1:46 pm	You dont have to wait, for this silly fate, for things you cannot make I shouldnt be suprised, infact, I've known all along. I do realize now, why there is a difference. He is right, he tells me every day to be rid of you. That you do me no good. That people who only try to bring you down should be crossed out of your life, but somehow I cling to you? No, not cling, I just have a hard time throwing something with potential away. But I know where I stand with you, it'll never be how I feel it should. You lack loyalty, truthfullness, and an overall desire to put forth the effort you need to make it work. But perhaps I feel I am entitled to more loyalty than I deserve? I'm not sure on this one, though he attempts to convince me otherwise, simply because that's what he looks for in his friends. Upon meeting Adam, I had immediately associated you with him. I realize this is wrong. Your are all your own. And in no way, compare to what Adam is to him. And I could never expect that of you, because honestly, it just wouldnt work, and you know that as well as I do (clearly, for you lack of deceit is apparent). And why is he always right? It drives me nuts, I want to know how he can see the situation and just analyze it so correctly. He was dead on. I know you subconciously sabatoge me, so why cant I rid myself of you? Why am I jealous? I think it's because I feel I shouldnt have to. That it's not nessecery at all. So my vow is to be more careful, about what i divulge to you. Only things everyone else knows too. I know where I stand with you, and I always forget. Sometimes I think that you feel that you deserve everything handed to you. But I think I see that in a lot of people like yourself, who have so much and work so little. You dont realize that you're an attention whore just like almost all of us, you just get your attention from a different sort of way. But you would think, after having this happen SO MANY TIMES before, that I'd do something about it. Is it a game? Do I simply think I an entitled to win? Is it that I have a hard time giving up on things? Is it that I love a challange? Is it that your lies and manipulation intrigue me? Nah, I think it's just that I see your potential, and what you should and could be. I think everyone can see that in others, when they cant see it in themselves, and sometimes it just makes people sad. Though it does make me sad that you somehow convice and trick others. You're not even very good at it...so I'm suprised it works so well. Then again, I've realized this over the last what has it been...like 2-3 years now? Yeah...I think I've come to really know you in that time frame. Every now and then I even fall for your manipulation. Probably because I long to trust you, and value your opinion. You think you're in the lineup, we discussed it the other day but really...really now? How could I not see the superficiality in your question to me regarding the potential of current happenings. I dont take it to heart, but it's food for thought. I know that your feelings towards me must be a mixed bag. But I'll have you know that I play the game of manipulation just as well. We shall remain good practice for eachother. I see that you arent being simply who you are...and that you are feeding off of others. And it is a shame, but there are worse things you could be. I just wish you werent a backstabber. That might be a harsh word, but it's all in my mind right now. I think that friends should have more loyalty to eachother than what you showed to her lately. No, it's not just me. I see you do it to others too. And even farther here- I hate how you changed him. He used to be so down to earth, such a good person, a free thinker. Now all he is is a replica of you. And that's sad. No one's personality should be compromised just because you feel you need to play off them. One day he'll see it (if he's at any level of intelligence that i believe him to be). I wish I've known you longer, so I could see how your childhood may have effected this trait in you, but I daresay, I havent know you long at all. He's right. You only hurt me. Intentionally or otherwise. But you're cool, and I'm tough, so bring on the joy and the rain. It's worth the pain. Experiences are just that, and we can learn from everything. Current Music: Meiko- Said and Done (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 7th, 2008
6:28 am	There are some reasons and also some pictures, which if you saw they would rip you apart 1. I had always known I was right. And you pointed out that there was no cement between the bricks, but I didnt look hard enough, because you decieved me...it was clear. It may have been less noticiable but it was there. And you know what? Good. I'm glad. Especially because now I can live knowing I was right. 2. I had just purchased things to make purple rain the other day. Well, one roommate had friends over, and they were drinking mine...being on my way out the door, I decided we would discuss this later. By the time I got home, the bottles were filled back up. I wondered for a while if it was sprite, but I do not believe that it is. I think they bought more and refilled my bottles, which is kind of dumb, but at least compensated. 3. My car slide over 2 lanes twice last night. And if there were other cars there, it would have ended differently. Instead, I teared up a bit, stuck my car in reverse, and slowly edged out of the snowbank. I hate Fargo. I left for work 15 minutes earlier than normal, and I was still late. That was unfortunate. Conclusion = my car does not like to stop on ice. 4. Somehow wfm screwed up my schedual, and this week is my last week of massive OT instead of last week. That sucks, because I was hoping to catch up on sleep, but we all know how the story goes. Next week will be the week of rest then. 5. I was unaware that in townhomes inspectors could come and tell you that your place isnt clean enough, and you have 3 days to clean it. This happened to people I know this weekend. How strange. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 3rd, 2008
2:13 am	You've got me dreaming and after you leave when you're gone I'm still thinking about you Things that have happened in the past few days: Got a new dress. Saw a hat that said "I dont like these hoes" Broke my favorite pair of slingbacks. Went to Gratzie's. Met Ashley for lunch. Got a new shirt. Regretted trying on swimsuits right after eating. Slept for 8 hours (this was amazing!! I cant believe it!) Found a huge bouqet of daisies in my car. Baked 3 batches of cookies. Worked on my resume. Let Ashley do my nails to discourage me from biting them. Had more than 30 minutes of consequtive idle time at work. (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 30th, 2008
3:44 am	Found this- thought it was cute I wish I was your favourite girl I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style I wish you couldn't figure me out But you always wanna know what I was about I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met I wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly 'Cause it was on a hidden bit that nobody ... else could see Basically, I wish that you loved me I wish that you needed me I wish that you knew when I said two sugars Actually, I meant three. (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 2nd, 2008
7:31 am	a luscious mix of words and tricks What sucks most about working overtime? My life looks like this: 12 hrs = Work 8 hrs = Sleep 2 hrs = Dinking around with friends or roommates 1 hr = Showering and Eating 1 hr = Cleaning our apartment while the girls are gone LAME. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 29th, 2008
10:45 am	Leap Year Today is Leap Day! How exciting! And what am I doing today? Um... Uh... well, tonight is my friend/coworker Danielle's birthday, so we're all going to Duane's pizza then to some bars (probably the Empire, her bf's favorite). Ben stayed over, made a joke last night about how if he asked me to be his gf today, if that means he can avoid yearly anniversaries. LOL...but he still didnt ask. I'm working overtime. And am schedualed for 16.5 hrs of overtime next week, and 12 hours the week after. This will be good for me. Save up a little. My checking account always loves a little more padding. I hope tonight is fun. I really do. Am I ready to be someone's girlfriend? I think so. But it's a hard call, because even though it's been a month, and I really really like him, I'm just scared it'll wreck what we have. A lot of sweet stuff flies out the window when you commit. Eh....we'll see. I'll only say yes if it feels right if he asks. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 4th, 2007
9:57 pm	Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door I feel like I'm working so hard towards something, and I have no idea what it is. And no idea why I still feel a little empty inside. It's just one of those times where I feel like I've put in my all, and it's getting me somewhere, but I cant see the finish line, and have no idea if it's where I want to go. I think it's time to quit, but I can tell that will be both a difficult and long task...blood will be shed. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 26th, 2007
9:56 pm	Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away... I learned a lot today (and yesterday) about a girl that I work with, and being a Jehova's Witness (sp?). I was suprised to learn that her and her date would each have to have a chaperone on any type of outing, and when asked if she'd ever kiss a boy before she gets married, she replied "UH! Heavenly no!" :D She's an intersting one. I'd never have believed her life was so strict, from how she carries herself... Ashley's trying to convince me to waitress at a bar with her...that'd be an adventure for both of us, since we wouldnt be that great...she just wants to be a shot girl. Haha, never going to happen, but fun to think about... I'll update for real later I guess. I'm too tired right now. And Ashley's calling. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007
12:18 am	It's tearing me apart, it's ruining every day Hit hard. Go ahead, kick me when I'm down. That's what you're here for anyway. If only so you can punch me in the gut, and help me up, claiming you're a saint. Well, nice try, wrong girl. I worship none. So you're out of luck. Hollow like I used to be. I hope it's just a phase. I'm not good at hiding it. Rachel already knows, she can tell that I'm empty inside. Despite my efforts to hide it. I'm scared. So I've carved myself out. Sorry everyone, this girl is gone. Temporarily. Current Mood: crushed (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 18th, 2006
11:19 am	Late. Being late isnt just something that I hate. It makes me feel uncomfortable, nervous, and sick. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 15th, 2006
12:09 pm	Things to remember. 1. What Krissy said. "Oh...eww, yeah, you have nothing to worry about." 2. I dont actually hate work anymore. The girls are cool. 3. EY wants cake 4. Sometimes things get lost and you have to wear a pair of earrings you dont really like. 5. Ashley's coming up and we're going to have FUN. 6. My roommate is gone for the weekend so I wont have to listen to cartoons and animal planet all day! For three days! 7. When he drives me nuts, think "is this something I can live with, or not" instead of "OMG AHH REACT AND DO SOMETHING DUMB" 8. I need to get my grades up (for when I dont want to study) 9. It's okay to gain the freshman 15 back again, just make sure to go work it off. 10. Dont be sad because you put more effort into something than someone else does. If they really wanted it, they would try too. 11. Oh, and dont be afraid to leave if it's not working. Horrah for cartoons and animal planet today! or tomorrow! or sunday! :D Current Mood: sad Current Music: The Fray (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
12:49 pm	I was caught in between all you wished for and all you need... I need a place to rest my head. A shoulder to cry on, so extra journal, I turn to your sympathetic ears once again. Wake up, you have a visitor. Too many decisions. I have to chose between work and school, either way letting people down and losing an aspect of life that I'm not yet ready to give up. If I stayed, and worked, I wouldnt leave this town...something I need to do, and I could lose him over it. If I left, I wouldnt be earning as much money, and building a potential career...something I also need to do. And now Melissa has told a bunch of people at work, and the other team leads are telling me how fun it is, and that they think I'd do a good job. I dont know. Maybe there's some catch that'll make it impossible for me anyway, and help me decide. Though this is only my second choice, I do need to know soon. (Did I mention it pays $3/hr more than I'm making now? Plus tuition reimbursment?) It's a mess. What can I say? I'll be with my Grandma tomorrow, so maybe I can talk to her, and we can work something out. Aunt Mary said if Grandma and I can come up with first semester, that the $1,750 for second sememster is nothing to her and Uncle Jon. So... there's hope still. I get to work again today. I traded for a longer shift (3 more hours) and in some ways regret it (because I'd love sleep) but financially I need it. Yesterday I was doing so well, and didnt worry, and was hopeing he was having a good time, and now I'm just nervous again. How lame is that? Very. It's just like me, to stumble across some internet site and get all freaked out again. I just...it's hard to not care so much when I want it to be more than it is or can be (the relationship, not problems). It's hard to draw the line. My heart gets in the way. My hair is in a terrible state. It really needs to be trimmed. I should look into that. Maybe Grandma would do it for me tomorrow. It's just getting very unruly. I hate putting my hair back, but it's the only way to keep it looking less like a big ball of fuzz. *Off to work* Current Mood: cold Current Music: In the Sun (Comment on this)
Monday, January 30th, 2006
3:18 pm	I dont even know why we try Under the circumstance of why Nobody needs to see the play Isnt it over anyway If this is where our story ends I know I'll lose all of our friends But they were your friends so you'll say Isnt it over anyway Isnt it almost over Can you feel your freedom from me Everyday seems to be the last Everything seems to be the past Everthing seems so hard to say Isnt it over anyway I still love you, yeah I still love you (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
9:21 am	"I'm not going to even bother trying to raise a godless child. I will not have one living in this house." (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
5:29 pm	My dad's trying to kill me. Death by dinner. Death by fish. Last time he made it and made me eat it, I threw up, and there he was again, making me eat it, and as I walked downstairs, he yelled "You're welcome" at me...I didnt say anything, I already threw up. Apparently I wasnt allowed to eat anything else because "We arent billionaires" and that means that everyone has to eat what they make for dinner, even if most of us dont like it. Oh, and who has dinner at 5 anyway? (Or at least when you had lunch at 3?) (Comment on this)